There’s been this thing I can’t let go.
I want to get rid of it. I want to stop thinking about it. I want to just be.
But it won’t go away. I pray for the Lord to remove these thoughts and feelings from my mind if it is not from Him and is not a part of His will, but it remains.
It occupies my time, energy and brain space, but also a big piece of my heart. I like to believe it is coming from God and will occur in His perfect timing, yet, the suspense of not knowing “how” or “when” is driving me crazy.
It is making me worry that I am missing a flag signaling me to do something. I thought the door of opportunity was opened, but it ended up being closed quickly and undoubtedly. It was a test of obedience and I’m not sure what the results indicate. As a person who is a doer, a take-matters-into-her-own-hands type of gal, the waiting and uncertainty of what is next or what is down the road are seriously challenging my patience.
Nevertheless, I choose to trust. I trust God’s goodness, His plan, His provision and fruition. The last few years of my life have been trials that ended up revealing God’s faithfulness. I know without a shadow of a doubt that there is purpose in the waiting. There are certain things that will eventually be known when it is time to leave the period of uncertainty.
Still – believing, trusting and knowing all of these things doesn’t make today any easier.
Quite the contrary.
The waiting and the unknown of the future are robbing me of my joy today in the present and frankly, it sucks. I allowed my mind to spiral down the rabbit hole of worry the other day and after aimlessly trying to find a conclusion, a way out, I chose to give up.
I chose to surrender the unknown to the One who knows everything.
I told Satan I cannot even go there because there does not even exist yet. I do not want to waste another day thinking of what will be or what could be. I want to stay present and focus on what is.
I want to be thankful for the moment; this very moment. I desire to have a heart so full of gratitude that it is bursting with joy and overflowing to all aspects of my life. I want that gratitude to allow me to see all that I have instead of all that I don’t.
And I don’t want to worry any more.
God’s got this. He always has. He always will. His children are His most prized possession and He will do anything to take care of them and provide for their future. He is forever faithful, friend. Faithful to the very end.
“This is why I tell you to never be worried about your life, for all that you need will be provided, such as food, water, clothing—everything your body needs. Isn’t there more to your life than a meal? Isn’t your body more than clothing?
“Look at all the birds—do you think they worry about their existence? They don’t plant or reap or store up food, yet your heavenly Father provides them each with food. Aren’t you much more valuable to your Father than they? So, which one of you by worrying could add anything to your life?
“And why would you worry about your clothing? Look at all the beautiful flowers of the field. They don’t work or toil, and yet not even Solomon in all his splendor was robed in beauty more than one of these! So if God has clothed the meadow with hay, which is here for such a short time and then dried up and burned, won’t he provide for you the clothes you need—even though you live with such little faith?
“So then, forsake your worries! Why would you say, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For that is what the unbelievers chase after. Doesn’t your heavenly Father already know the things your bodies require?
“So above all, constantly chase after the realm of God’s kingdom and the righteousness that proceeds from Him. Then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly. Refuse to worry about tomorrow, but deal with each challenge that comes your way, one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself.” ~ Matthew 6:25-34 (TPT)